Adult Sex Toy

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“Oh darling it’s fantastic, it’s just what I’ve always wanted…a dream come true – however did you manage it?”

“Oh I er…just pulled my finger out, and saved up for the down payment” said Jack, taking down the ‘Sold’ sign.

“Oh you’re a genius!” trilled Jane.

She threw her arms around Jack and gave him a huge kiss. She had been hoping against hope that one day they may be able to have a place of their own, instead of just renting the basement of her parent’s house.

They walked inside admiring, the hall, the sitting room, the dining room, and then up the stairs to the three bedrooms. Jane had already decided; one could be a study, the other for when Jack junior came along. “Don’t you think this would be perfect for the baby?” said Jane. She was already thinking about the color for the drapes and the fitted carpets.

Two days later the movers helped them shift all their belongings into their new home and Jane busied herself with getting the house just as she wanted it. Jack had to shift the couch one way then another, and then back the  way it was. Just as she was deciding on where they were going to put the drinks cabinet, the doorbell rang. It was their next door neighbour come to say hello.

“Hi, I’m Ken Collins, welcome to the neighbourhood.”

“Why thank you” said Jane, “that’s so kind of you.”

“Say, I’m something of a handyman, if there’s anything I can do to help…”

Just at that moment Jack put his head round the door and said hello.

Ken looked at Jack closely. “Hello neighbor, now where have I seen you before?”

“I don’t know” said Jack “I don’t think we’ve ever met.” But Jack could instantly guess why he looked familiar to Ken, and suddenly he started to sweat.

Ken looked deep in thought then a light came on and with a snap of his fingers, he had perfect recall. Then, just as you do when you suddenly remember something, Ken came right out with it.

“I know who you are – you’re Big Jack from The Hot Cat Sex Channel!”

Before Jack or Jane could do anything, Ken turned to his wife who was in the garden next door and called to her “Honey, you’ll never guess what – Big Jack from The Hot Cat Sex Channel has just moved next door.”

“Oh my”” said Ken’s wife Gloria, “How exciting…you’ll have to give us some of your hot cat tips.” Both Ken and Gloria found this very amusing.

“You’re a lucky lady” said Ken to Jane “Sleeping with a real expert every…oh, er…have  I said something out of turn?” Even Ken, never one of life’s most subtle observers of the human condition, could tell that both Jane and Jack had turned a whiter shade of pale.

“Me and my big mouth, I’m so sorry – I’ll get out of your hair – do holler if you need any help.” Ken beat a hasty retreat.

Jane slammed the door. “Big Jack?” she said sarcastically, “The Hot Cat Sex Channel?”

“Hey don’t knock it” said Jack, deciding defence might be the best strategy.  “It paid for the down payment on this house.”

Well, you could hear the crockery a smashing and the pans a bashing for the next five minutes.

“Can you just calm down a minute” yelled Ken, as a coffee cup narrowly missed his head. “I’m not screwing any other women!”

“Oh well just who are you screwing, Big Jack?” screamed Jane sarcastically “Are you having it away with men, or maybe you’re getting it on with sheep?

“No!” shouted Jack. “I’m demonstrating adult sex toys…and I’m demonstrating them with my goddam finger. Jane froze in mid swing of a saucepan. “You’re demonstrating adult sex toys?”

“With my finger- if you don’t believe me, you can tune in tonight. That’s what I meant when I said I pulled my finger out!”

A big smile of relief spread across Jane’s face. She dropped the saucepan and spread her arms out wide.

“Come here” she said “Ohh, I love you, Big Jack.”

Many men have discovered a naughty little secret. They’ve gone beyond mere cock play to explore the small bundle of great fun to be had by pleasuring the perineum and the prostate. Men have a G-spot too, and the anus is the access point.

There are two smart new tools to explore this erogenous zone; Lelo’s new “Bob,” as well as the stainless steel “Njoy” wands, both of which are designed for external and internal use.

Discovering the delightful sensations of massaging your perineum and indeed, your anus, is pretty much like discovering a whole new planet, and it will open up your lovemaking to very different kinds of arousal.

Not many men are aware that the same kinds of deep, intense internal orgasms that women enjoy through locating their G-spots are also readily available for men.

Some men who have done the due diligence on their perineum and prostate, have reported experiencing Super Orgasms that come in waves. The bed shakes the earth moves, some men howl like a feral animal, and some have even claimed that it has totally changed their whole outlook on life. Powerful stuff.

Working with prostate massagers and identifying how to locate and stimulate this very erogenous area does require a degree of care and caution. The multitude of nerve endings in the area between the anus and the scrotum is a revelation for many men, but these sensations respond better to a gentle and patient massage in the early days.
Another adult sex toy for men well worth considering is the cock ring, which, as the name suggests, you slip over your cock. Most have vibrators attached, and some have a double ring system to fit around both the base of the cock and wrap around the scrotum. There is a huge variety of cock rings with and without bullets to choose from.

These toys are popular because they help many men maintain an erection, because there is a certain amount of blood flow that gets caught in the erect penis and, depending on the use, the scrotum.

The vibrating part of the ring can be turned to face behind the scrotum, thereby stimulating the nerve rich male perineum or toward the woman, which directly stimulates the clitoris during penetration.

If you think about it, a cock actually vibrating as it slides in and out of the pussy is going to add a whole new dimension to lovemaking.

So if you have been keen to explore, there are some excellent toys designed for just the job.

The Delaney boys were back in town, doing what they always did. Drinking hard and raising hell. Most times Jed just went along with it the way other folks did. After four or five days of drinking the bar dry, they just kind of blew town like a passing typhoon. But this time was different. This time they were blowing themselves crazy with Jed’s Autoblow Blast.

Now in case you ain’t familiar with the concept, an Autoblow Blast is a premium blowjob machine. Greatest adult sex toy that was ever invented. Sure, some of the old timers said it was the work of the devil, but Jed spent long days and lonely nights out on the prairie, keeping the coyotes at bay with a burning fire and a satisfied holler every time his Autoblow brought him to a thrilling climax.

A man needed that kind of company out there. A man needed a good blowjob just to keep him sane, and if he wasn’t getting it from a good woman, he had to get it someplace else. You didn’t want to trust the bordello. Them dirty no good Delaney boys had tried and tested every gal in the house. So Jed saved hard and bought himself the Autoblow, and as he sat back and let the beads ride his manhood harder than six days in the saddle, he knew it was money well spent.

Then came the Delaney boys. Jed was just fixing his Autoblow to his horse when they come round the corner. And sure enough, their eyes lighted on the prize.

“Why Jed you been holding out on us” grinned Brad Delaney, oldest of the boys. “You never said nothing about having one of them fancy Autoblows. Fancy a blow, boys?”

Now if you wanted to stay breathing, you didn’t argue the time of day with the Delaney boys. Hell, they’d shoot you just because you smiled funny. Jed stared in anguish as the boys rode away with his prize possession. What else could he do? He threw his hat on the ground in frustration.

The whole day the loss tormented him. He could hear them in the saloon, brazenly abusing his machine, taking it in turns, fighting over who was next. He heard the barman implore them to get a room and stop exhibiting themselves so outrageously in public, and each time his request was greeted with raucous laughter and more bottles getting shot up in the shelves behind the bar.

Come nightfall, Jed could take it no more. Frustration had turned to anger, and now anger had become a calm and icy rage. He packed six bullets into his Colt Peacemaker, knowing full well there was going to be no peace till he got back his machine, or died trying.

If you’re going to pick a fight with the Delaney boys you just go in with guns blazing and hope you get lucky. That’s just what Jed did. He walked through the saloon door and shot Mickey Delaney clean through the head just as he was pleasuring himself with the Autoblow.

Now, the other three brothers had their back to him. Forget John Wayne patiently waiting for you to turn round, that’s for the movies. Jed put bullets in the backs of Brad and Pete before they could get to their feet. Seems the Delaney boys had grown too cocksure and didn’t have their backs to the wall. Big mistake. But Jamie Delaney was younger and quicker, and now he was up and swinging lead.

Jed swung the saloon door forward to protect himself as two bullets bit into the wood. Jamie moved to get a better angle, but as he did so, Jed fired two rounds. One hit Jamie in the crotch and he screamed like a scalded cat, but not for long. The second round punched a hole dead center through his forehead.

The Delaney boys had just blown town again. Permanently.

Gunsmoke rose from Jed’s pistol as he strode to the table where three stinking dead Delaney’s lay slumped.

“J-J-Jed” stammered the terrified barkeeper, “I never seen you like this before.”

Jed pulled his Autoblow off of Mickey Delaney’s still erect cock, like it was a trophy scalp.

His hard gaze met the barman. “No one’s ever taken my Autoblow before!”

And the same holds true to this day. You take a man’s Autoblow, and he’s going to blow you away.